Just because I love this song

I adore this song... It speaks right out of my heart...

 

You got a fast car
I want a ticket to anywhere
Maybe we make a deal
Maybe together we can get somewhere

Anyplace is better
Starting from zero got nothing to lose
Maybe we'll make something
But me myself I got nothing to prove

You got a fast car
And I got a plan to get us out of here
I been working at the convenience store
Managed to save just a little bit of money
We won't have to drive too far
Just 'cross the border and into the city
You and I can both get jobs
And finally see what it means to be living

You see my old man's got a problem
He live with the bottle that's the way it is
He says his body's too old for working
I say his body's too young to look like his
My mama went off and left him
She wanted more from life than he could give
I said somebody's got to take care of him
So I quit school and that's what I did

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so we can fly away
We gotta make a decision
We leave tonight or live and die this way

I remember we were driving driving in your car
The speed so fast I felt like I was drunk
City lights lay out before us
And your arm felt nice wrapped 'round my shoulder
And I had a feeling that I belonged
And I had a feeling I could be someone, be someone, be someone

You got a fast car
And we go cruising to entertain ourselves
You still ain't got a job
And I work in a market as a checkout girl
I know things will get better
You'll find work and I'll get promoted
We'll move out of the shelter
Buy a big house and live in the suburbs
You got a fast car
And I got a job that pays all our bills
You stay out drinking late at the bar
See more of your friends than you do of your kids
I'd always hoped for better
Thought maybe together you and me would find it
I got no plans I ain't going nowhere
So take your fast car and keep on driving

You got a fast car
But is it fast enough so you can fly away
You gotta make a decision
You leave tonight or live and die this way

29.6.08 01:39


A look back

So now time has coem, the time has come that I'll leave and start a life all on my own. I'm really looking forward to it, I really am. But sometimes it happens that I look back on the days I spent here. I look around in this house and memories of happier times stare back at me from the walls, from the windows, from everything around me. I look back and them and it hurts to leave. I look at everything now, the way it is right now and it does no longer hurt...

Things have changed in a way that I would have never expected. Never. I never thought that I'd be this happy to leave. And on the other hand... I feel bad about that. I wonder if I shouldn't rather be sad about leaving... It's very confusing. Actually I think that it's the memories that hurt, and knowing that they're nothing more than memories, passed, disappeared to a place they'll never return from... It may sound a little melodramatic... But this is just the way it feels, I can't help it.

What do you guys think about it? Are you looking forward to leaving or would you rather like to stay a little longer? I'll be waiting for your comments. Yours faithfully,

Cecilia Carax

10.6.08 23:11


Resmué of a few days

What can I say. There's just so much to tell and I don't know where to start. Do you know this? When there are so many feelings and thoughts and impressions in you that your head is bursting but you just can't figure out what exaclty they are? This is the way I feel right now and, honestly, it pisses me off because I feel like writing it all down and actually I don't even know what to write. What do you guys do, when you feel this way? What do you do when there's too much inside of you that needs to get out? That'd really interest me, please leave some comments and tell me what you do in this situation!

I'll write something more reasonable tomorrow. *laughs* Yours, faithfully

Cecilia Carax
 

9.6.08 23:21


Addiction, Take II

Thsi is for you, I hope you'll read this one day, I hope you'll know it was me who wrote it, I hope you'll know it was for you I wrote this. You're a player, a bloody player, you play with me, with my mind, with my heart and you don't even realize what you do to me!!! You flirt me in a way of which you know very well that it is forbidden, if someone hears you and gets the wrong idea it'll cost you your fucking job. All just for a game. If you were serious at least, it'd maybe be worth it. But you're just playing. But you know what? I'm tired of shutting the fuck up not to say anything wrong, not to put you in a bad situation or what-the-fuck-ever were my reasons to shut the fuck up until now! I've had it, really. You wanna play? Fine, so we'll play. But don't cry if ever you lose.

I love you and I wish I could hate you. Yours,

Cecilia Carax.

3.6.08 16:38


For my Grandma

This is for my grandma who turned 70 today and who really is an admireable woman. I mean, she's 70 and she was unsatisfied today because she got tired after walking for over two hours! She's so vital, she's active, she does so many  things... Really, I wish, I pray that when I'll be 70 I'll be just like her.

I learned a lot about my grandma today. Actually I learn very much about her every time I see her because I've known her only at the age of twelve,  since my mom and my grandma didn't talk to each other for a long time... I remember that one day, when I was four or five years old, she came to our house; it was me who opeed the door and she was just beautiful. She had long hair back then, a kind and soft face. Mom sent me away and she yelled at grandma, I was in the living-room, my hands on my ears not to hear her. That was the first time I met my grandma. And I wish that I would have known here ealrier, not only at the age of  twelve. There would've been so many things she would'v taught me. My talent for languages - I think I inherited it form my grandma. Sometimes genes skip one genration. I really believe this is the case. She would've been the one to help me, to push me, to encourage me. But I didn't know her. In Germany  the region "Saarland" was the last region to abolish corporal punishment at school - thanks to my grandma, who talked in public to politicians,  students,  parents thereby creating a movement against corporel punishment. She is an admireable woman.

Today was so moving. When we arrived at my grandmother's place, she'd prepared everything for us, she'd put up little snacks everywhere,  bought drinks that she usually doesn't by but of which she knows that we like them. And when we arrived you could just see in her eyes how happy she was to see us, how happy she was to show us that she'd spent the whole morning and half of the afternoon preparing everything for our visit - it just made me cry, really.

I wonder if she feels lonely sometimes. I wonder if, looking back on seventy years, there are many things that she regrets, if there are many things that she would do in a different way if she had the chance to. And it fills me with joy, with a pleasure deep, deep in my heart to see in her eyes, in her smile, to hear in the way she laughs and speaks that this doesn't seem to be the case. She really gives the impression of being happy, glad, joyful, satisfied with what she's done and with what she's doing. I've rarely felt a pleasure so satisfying, so filling. It is so beautiful that it makes you cry.

I love you, Grandma,  love you from the bottom of my heart,  I am so happy to know you.

Cecilia Carax

2.6.08 22:31


Addiction and psychological dependance

I don't know if you know what it feels like to really be addicted to someone. And I don't mean "this feeling inside", a faster heartbeat or blushing wshen you see that special person. I mean loss of control, loss of power and energie, loss of mind. Not being capable to constantly love somebody else.

Imagine: You're with somebody, and you're happy, you don't want to be with someone else - everything is just the way it should be. But then, all of a sudden, you happen to meet the first person you've ever fallen in love with. You meet her and you fall for her, as you always have fallen for her.

What shall you do? Abandon everything that has made you happy so far? For a love that is rather an addiction, a psychological dependance? You know that this is rediculous and still you can't stop thinking about it.

A very shitty situation. My question to everyone who reads this is: what would you do if ever you were in this situation? Go on? Or try to be with that very one person you will love for the rest of your life? Careful! Try to imagine that this special person is unreachable for you - for example your teacher.

I'm looking forward to your comments, yoursd faithfully,

 

Cecilia Carax

26.5.08 17:51




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